Valleys

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

I don't know how to start this. I have started and erased the first line of this blog over and over again. I am in a valley. A spiritual valley. I feel lost and there seems to be a shroud of darkness covering my vision right now.

I have recently been quite wounded and it has launched me into a state of confusion. What I thought to be true no longer seems to be so, but the actual truth is eluding me at the moment. There are a few things that I do know to be true. God loves me. He created me. He pursues me day and night, even when I cannot feel His presence. So I am trusting in that. It is a horrible feeling to be going through my days blindly. But I know that I have remarkable friends praying for me and an even more remarkable husband who will be on his knees for me as well.

I chose Proverbs 4:23 at the beginning of this entry because I do believe that it is from our hearts that all else flows. It is there that we choose to follow Christ and it is there where we hide his word and his truths. I want to protect and guard my heart right now for it is where Satan seems to be trying to gain a foothold in the form of bitterness, lies and deceit. He wants me to believe that I cannot overcome the darkness, that pursuing reconciliation with those who have hurt me is impossible, and that it is not worth being vulnerable to others because they will just hurt me.

A few months ago, I worked on memorizing 1 Peter 5:8 with my daughter, Leila. It says: Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. How this verse resonates with me today as I see over and over again the relentless ways that he tries to worm his way into my thoughts and feelings. He is on the ready to distort things so that I am convinced of their validity because they are so close to the truth. Again, I need protection from this so that I am not dragged down into the pit of despair with him. Misery loves company, as they say. I will not accept the invitation!

I look forward to working through my spiritual valley over the coming weeks and being able to come through on the other side with more hope, more wisdom, and more strength than before.